8 Years Good

The 26th of February will be my 8 year mark, on becoming healthy with my mental health. Needless to say, I have never believed in many things throughout my lifetime. I’ve struggled for years, trying to figure out what was worth fighting for, including my own life.

Over this time of healing, I have learned what it means to believe in something. Amongst many others, I found something to believe in when it comes to myself.

I believe in being a good person. My entire life has consisted of trying to be the best version of myself, the world wanted. I tried to be perfect because who I was, wasn’t enough.

I spent my time trying to resolve everyone else’s issues, I constantly jeopardized my own mental health. I liked going to bed at night, knowing I helped someone else sleep a little better. I liked knowing I affected someone’s life, in a positive way.

When I write my blogs, I receive comments or emails from people thanking me for sharing a piece of my story. I’ve been told I have helped people in incredible ways. People have gone to therapy, rehabs, came out, reunited with friends/ family and found self-acceptance.

To wake up every day, confused about your purpose in life and then have people say you have helped them hurt a little less, makes you realize your impact on the world.

A friend of mine, messaged me today. She said, “despite your feelings when you get down, you’re still a good person.” I’ve worked a very long time, to figure out the type of person I want to be. I always knew I wanted to help people but I never believed I could.

Part of me struggled to believe my words can impact myself, let alone a stranger. I was scared to believe I could change people, for the better. Can being who I am, bring out the good in people?

For a while, I was scared I wouldn’t be a good person. Maybe I would let the darkness from my past, affect me from being good. I didn’t want to die, knowing the darkness won.

So, I did something about it. I know I am a good person. I make mistakes and I am nowhere near perfect but I care about people. I know my words will impact the world someday. I believe in myself but more importantly, I believe in being a good person. And I know I am on my way to changing the world, one good deed at a time.