Our Story Binds Us
In light of recent events, Demi Lovato has ended up in the hospital for a drug overdose. This is heartbreaking to me for many reasons. 1.) She is my role model and always will be. 2.) She is the main reason I am alive today. Period. 3.) She gave me one of the best friendships in a time when I really needed it. 4.) She helped me find my way to who I am. 5.) She gave me a voice and helped me use it to spread awareness about mental health.
People can make fun of me because of how much I love Demi, due to the fact that I don’t know her personally and we aren’t friends but no one can tell me and her millions of fans how we can and should feel about her.
Demi saved my life. Do I know her? No. Did I ever meet her? No, but she was there for me when I felt I had nothing. Every time I sat in my room, contemplating whether I should live or not, her music was in the background. Every day I would come home and listen to her music and in some weird way, it kept me going. She gave me hope I would be okay. She didn’t make me feel ashamed of my scars and the past that will forever follow me. She made me feel normal and okay about struggling with mental illness. She made me feel heard and important, like my life mattered. For once in my life, I didn’t feel so alone.
We seem to have started recovery around the same time and although we didn’t know each other, we were going on this journey together. She helped me stay strong when I forgot how to. Recently, my struggles have been back and forth. I had a rough night after going to dinner and I came home and parked in front of my house. I sat in my car and just cried for two hours, holding myself, trying to stay sane. I played Demi’s song “Sober” over and over again and although it may sound strange, the song brought me comfort.
It reminded me recovery is an everyday battle. You don’t get a day off. You never know when you will suddenly need help again and fall back into old patterns. I have been in recovery for six years and I never thought I would get this way again. That night in my car, I almost wanted to either drive to the hospital and check myself in or call someone to just watch me. A couple years ago, I wouldn’t have even had the ability to do so.
With Demi being so open about her struggles, I started sharing parts of my story to strangers and becoming a more open person. In doing so, I let go of my fears and found a way to start accepting who I am. Now, I embrace the parts of myself I don’t always love and am learning slowly to love each and everything that forms who I am.
A few days ago, I was having another rough night. I laid in my bed and just cried. I ended up writing a poem and, in the morning, I woke up and reread it and almost didn’t recognize my own writing. My mindset was completely different in the morning and I still can’t believe how different you could feel after hanging on and waiting for the morning to come. I could have been in Demi’s position. I have been okay for 6 years but a couple weeks ago or a couple days ago, I wasn’t.
I learned to be resilient, she taught me that. She taught me it is okay to be struggling, even years after you recover. Did I stop recovering? No, but I still get sad a lot more often and I still have days when I feel like I don’t want to be here but I am able to know when to reach out and ask for help or not be scared to give in and let someone be there for me.
Recovery is such a hard journey to be on but it is also one of the most rewarding. Had I let go and lost my strength to fight, I wouldn’t have been able to experience the past 6 years of my life. Every day I am given the gift of life in which could have been taken away years ago. I want to make the most of it and help inspire people to stay strong and to fight. The only way I know how to do that is by being honest and real about how recovery works. If that means I have to be honest and share my story, I am going to do just that.
It is not always easy admitting you had a slip up or are struggling again. I feel like many people depend on me for support and consider me very strong but I have my bad days too. There are days when I need them more than they need me. And I’m learning to be okay with that notion.
I am praying for a full recovery to one bad ass person. Demi, you are strong and have given strength to millions of people. You helped save so many lives and, in the process, have saved your own and you will do it again. You stayed strong for us and now we will stay strong for you.
Never judge someone’s story or journey. You aren’t in their position and you haven’t walked in their shoes. Everyone has their own story to tell, always show them respect and allow them to be who they are. This world is filled with too many good things and people to be filled with judgement on things we may not understand. Spread love and kindness always.
